Xbox Game Pass may have received a substantial (and terrible) update this week, but that hasn’t stopped the service from adding bangers to its revolving catalog. Neon White, one of the most insanely inventive and cringe-inducing games I’ve ever played, is the latest and greatest addition, and you owe it to yourself to experience its tale of love, loss, crime families, and masochistic BDSM girlies, all while speedrunning Heaven with guns.
Neon White comes to us by way of Ben Esposito, the acclaimed developer behind Donut County, who decided to do a complete 180 and make a game for degenerates. Playing as the eponymous character, you find yourself in Heaven, only you’re an assassin-for-hire helping to clean out all the demons in the lower levels of the kingdom of God. In order to do so, you and the other Neons—sinners plucked from Hell to earn a spot in Heaven for killing the most demons—must use Soul Cards scattered around nearly 100 levels to exorcize the demons and get to the bottom of what the hell is exactly going on.
This premise sets Neon White, a speedrunning first-person shooter, into motion. However, it’s even more complicated and fascinating than that. Soul Cards basically function as stand-ins for guns, and each has a set number of uses, as well as an alternate ability if they are discarded. For example, the pistol is a card called Elevate, because discarding it gives you an extra jump. An SMG can be discarded in order to do a ground pound, and discarding a shotgun propels you forward as a fireball. Eventually, levels become so multi-tiered, not to mention replete with mixtures of these cards, that it stops feeling like a shooter and much more like the wildest 3D platformer with the slickest movement mechanics.
If that sounds involved, that’s because it is, and it’s only one facet of a busy, busy game. Neon White also doubles as a visual novel with dating sim elements, including hunting down gifts to give to characters around the hub area, which unlocks personal side quests and missions themed for the character’s personality. This is how you get to know the exceptionally horny cast of Neon White, which is composed of other Neons who White seems to know from his days in the world of the living. Among them is Neon Green, who serves as the game’s primary antagonist, the bro-ish himbo Neon Yellow, your incredibly sultry ex Neon Red, and Neon Violet, the poster child of DDLG relationship dynamics. No, I will not spell that out for you, that’s between you, God, and your Google search bar.
In tandem, it all makes for a game that is delightfully all over the place. One moment you’re pulling the sickest shit in some level to try and get the best time possible—maybe even trying to outrank your friends on Neon White’s leaderboards—and the next you’re in a fan-service anime beach episode with Neon Red and Violet, complete with artwork of them in bathing suits. One second you’re in a life-or-death boss battle, and the very next you could be in a scene where White is canonically belting My Chemical Romance’s “Welcome To The Black Parade” at a karaoke bar in Heaven of all places.
All of this is set to one of the coolest electronic soundtracks composed by the duo Machine Girl, and did I mention that White is voiced by Steven Blum, the voice of Cowboy Bebop’s Spike Spiegel? So many aspects of Neon White feel wrapped up in this fevered Y2K aesthetic, which extends to many of the characters designs and direction, as well as its broader cringe-inducing tone. My advice? It wants to be that corny, so steer into the skid rather than fight it. You’ll enjoy the game so much more this way.
What are you waiting for? What part of all that didn’t sell you on the most buckwild game you’ll pick up on Game Pass all year? You have shootouts in Heaven alongside busty assassins who may or may not kill you. What else could you want out of a game, or art for that matter?
