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This week, I\u2019ve been tearing through an advanced copy of Awake<\/a>, an upcoming memoir by Jen Hatmaker (September 23rd) about waking up one night and hearing her husband on the phone, whispering sweet nothings to someone else. That\u2019s page one. The rest of the book follows what happens next, and it\u2019s a wild ride.<\/p>\n But here\u2019s the part I want to share today: during therapy, Jen\u2019s fretting about her children, when her therapist suggests, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you spend some energy mothering yourself?\u201d When Jen feels confused \u2014\u00a0after all, she\u2019s constantly checking things off her to-do list \u2014\u00a0her therapist asks, \u201cJen, what would a good mother do here?\u201d<\/p>\n Suddenly, the answer is clear: \u201cTell me to drink more water and quit Facebook stalking,\u201d she answers.<\/p>\n Over the next few weeks, Jen leans into this idea of caring for herself, \u201cnot like a teacher assigning benchmarks, not like a preacher dictating behaviors, not like a coach hyping the play call\u2026but like a mother taking care of her beloved\u2019s little heart and body and feelings as if they matter more than the work rate.\u201d<\/p>\n How beautiful is that?<\/p>\n During hard times, how do you parent yourself? Put yourself to bed early? Watch a comfort movie<\/a>? Reach out to loved ones? Sometimes, if I\u2019m lying in bed and beating myself up for something I wish I\u2019d done differently \u2014 say, a work assignment or interaction with my kids<\/a> \u2014 I\u2019ll tell myself the simple phrase: \u201cI\u2019m learning.\u201d To me, it\u2019s a relief to acknowledge that I don\u2019t do everything perfectly, I make mistakes, and that\u2019s okay! We\u2019re all works in progress; the best we can hope and strive for is to always be growing and learning. And, maybe, to drink more water.<\/p>\n P.S. The best parenting advice I ever got<\/a>, and the Grand Canyon trick for worriers<\/a>.<\/p>\n (Photo of Joanna and Anton<\/a>, 2013)<\/p>\n