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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nIn Cup of Jo\u2019s newly relaunched career column<\/a><\/strong>, we ask people to share the big and small lessons they\u2019ve learned on the job.<\/em> <\/p>\n Grief therapist Natalie Greenberg<\/a> runs her own practice in Manhattan and works with students at the NYU Counseling Center. She tells us what people don\u2019t realize about grief and how strangers react to her job at dinner parties\u2026<\/p>\n When were you first drawn to therapy?<\/strong> Did you always know you\u2019d become a therapist yourself?<\/strong> How did you choose to specialize in grief?<\/strong> How do strangers at parties react when they hear you\u2019re a grief therapist?<\/strong> What\u2019s the most challenging job you\u2019ve had?<\/strong> You lost your mom at 23. What advice would you give young people who are grieving?<\/strong> Tell us about a work moment you\u2019ll always remember.<\/strong> What\u2019s your #1 advice for someone who\u2019s interested in becoming a therapist?<\/strong> How can we show up for friends who are grieving loved ones?<\/strong> How has your own grief for your mom changed through the years?<\/strong> That\u2019s beautiful.<\/strong> If someone\u2019s grief feels overwhelming, what advice would you give?<\/strong> Thank you so much, Natalie<\/a>. What other careers would you like to see featured?<\/strong><\/p>\n P.S. What it\u2019s like to be a baker<\/a> and how to navigate a career change<\/a>.<\/p>\n (Photo illustration by Diana Moss<\/a>.)<\/p>\n![\"grief](\"https:\/\/cupofjo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/COJ-careers-Natalie-Greenbergt.jpg\")
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When I was a kid, my father was an addict, and our family attended Al-Anon<\/a>, a support group for families and friends of addicts. He\u2019s now been sober for 17 years, but I always understood that therapy was a resource for people during difficult times. <\/p>\n
Not at all. After graduating college with a communications degree, I nannied for a family and took a year to figure out what I wanted to do next. During my free time, I set up phone calls with my friends\u2019 parents and interviewed them about their jobs, asking \u2018What was your degree? How did you decide to do this? What are the pros and cons of your career?\u2019 And that\u2019s how I learned about social work, and how it has career paths that are similar to psychology, but has more of a social justice lens. <\/p>\n
At age 23, I lost my mom to suicide. I had no idea how to process her death, and I didn\u2019t know if I was allowed to talk about it with family and friends. Especially because suicide felt like a scary taboo subject. So, when it came to choosing a therapy specialty, I sat down and thought, \u2018What is something that I feel especially equipped to help with?\u2019 Grief came to me very quickly.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a funny litmus test! People either ask a million questions or change the subject right away. People also sometimes say, \u2018You\u2019re going to psychoanalyze me!\u2019 And, sure, it\u2019s ingrained in me to look out for patterns. But at the same time, psychoanalyzing is work<\/em>, and I don\u2019t want to work at a party.<\/p>\n
I worked in the Psychiatric ER at Bellevue, the busiest psychiatric hospital in the country. At first, the idea of working there terrified me, but I learned so much. During my second month, Hurricane Sandy flooded the hospital, and I saw firsthand how a hospital operates during a natural disaster. I also learned how to work in a violent setting, since some patients would come in while intoxicated or psychotic and injure our staff. Going to therapy while working there was key for my own mental health.<\/p>\n
Losing my mother so young was extremely isolating. None of my friends had gone through anything similar; they didn\u2019t know how to show up, and I didn\u2019t know how to communicate my needs. I ended up attending a grief group called The Dinner Party<\/a>, an organization that hosts dinners for young people who have lost family or friends. It felt so good to be able to talk with people my age about the grieving process without stigma. I\u2019m obsessed with the organization and refer them to many of my clients.<\/p>\n
Once during a session, a patient was describing a loss, and I started crying. Afterward I was very insecure and wondered whether I\u2019d acted unprofessionally. My clinical supervisor reassured me, \u2018You\u2019re a therapist, but you\u2019re also a human, and you\u2019re responding to something really sad. What more could someone want than for their therapist to be human?\u2019 That moment shifted my idea of how a therapist should show up for their patients, and validate them. In the early days of psychoanalysis, therapists were primarily men who acted like a blank slate. Those types of therapists still exist in some capacity, but that\u2019s not who I am and that\u2019s not the kind of therapist I want to be.<\/p>\n
You can be good at therapy but you also need to learn how to run a small business. You need to be organized. You need an accountant and lawyer. You need to know how to hustle.<\/p>\n
Grief lingers and can manifest on random days. So, keep checking in on your friends weeks, months, and even years afterward. For friends and family, I\u2019ll put the death anniversaries of their loved ones in my calendar, so I\u2019ll remember to reach out. Also, come up with your own saying, other than \u2018Sorry for your loss\u2019 because it can feel empty. It can be hard to find the right words, but to try to say something a little more genuine \u2014 like what you remember about that person, or even acknowledging that you don\u2019t know what to say but you are here for them.<\/p>\n
My relationship with her has healed a lot since her passing. We weren\u2019t close when I was growing up, but now that I\u2019ve experienced the stresses of adulthood and parenthood, I can better understand her life and see how certain traumas affected her parenting. It\u2019s easier to take her off the parent pedestal and see her more as a human who went through hard things.<\/p>\n
Since her death, I\u2019ve had dreams where she\u2019s there with me. In those dreams, it doesn\u2019t feel contentious. Instead, it\u2019s always calm and healing, and we talk about unresolved issues. And when I wake up, I feel relieved knowing that my subconscious wasn\u2019t angry or blaming \u2014 it\u2019s trying to work things out.<\/p>\n
I like to help clients come up with meaningful rituals that memorialize this person. When it\u2019s my mom\u2019s birthday or death anniversary, I buy the Le Petit \u00c9colier chocolate biscuit cookies that she loved, then light a Yahrzeit candle and listen to Fleetwood Mac. The ritual doesn\u2019t have to be formal, it\u2019s all about honoring the person that you lost.<\/p>\n