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Ever since I started dating after my divorce<\/a>, friends and readers have asked a bunch of fun questions. Like, what do you wear on first dates?\u201d (This shirt<\/a>, almost always.) Or, how long do you wait to sleep with people? (A while<\/a>.) And a reader named Malena recently asked: \u201cDo you have an intention for dating? Is it \u2018Let\u2019s see what\u2019s out there\u2019 or \u2018I\u2019m looking for my next husband\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n Such a good question! And I have an answer! (I\u2019m also curious, if you\u2019re single, to hear yours.)<\/p>\n When I first began dating this past spring, my friend Andy<\/a> encouraged me, \u201cGo date different guys and have fun!\u201d I quickly found, however, that while dating multiple people can be exciting, it may be more of a \u201cgood for her, not for me\u201d<\/a> situation. What I\u2019m looking for, I realized, is a long-term partner. I\u2019ve dated four guys since February, each lovely in their own way, and I love that feeling of getting to know someone and their breakfast habits and kissing style and funny quirks, and developing inside jokes and a shared language, for however long it lasts.<\/p>\n In the past, I\u2019ve loved being in relationships, and for a long time, I loved being married. Remember this reader comment<\/a>? \u201cMy husband and I lay in bed a couple nights ago and laughed and laughed and laughed and I couldn\u2019t even tell you what about,\u201d wrote Lauren. \u201cWe looked absurd in our matching mouth guards and disgustingly old pajamas, and the next day he texted me, \u2018I keep thinking about laughing with you last night.\u2019\u201d Gahhh! The sweetest. And this romantic poem<\/a> makes my heart swell.<\/p>\n These days, when seeing someone, I try to keep my mom\u2019s long-time advice in mind: in any conversation, try your best to say what you really mean, even if it\u2019s embarrassing or scary or vulnerable. The surprising thing is that, no matter what you say, you will then come across as brave and relatable. There\u2019s something inherently lovable and worthy of respect when someone expresses how they truly feel, don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n So, with any guy I\u2019m dating, if we\u2019re having a more serious talk, I\u2019ll push myself to say what I really want, feel, worry about, etc. Because, after all, why even have a conversation if you don\u2019t? Otherwise, you\u2019re both just saying random things.<\/p>\n For example, one man I dated was pretty newly divorced. In our early texts, before going on our first date, here\u2019s how we discussed it: <\/p>\n Me: Can I ask you a q?<\/em><\/p>\n Him: Absolutely.<\/em><\/p>\n Me: I know you are so early on in your split Him: That is a great and valid question.<\/em><\/p>\n We ended up seeing each other for a couple months, and it was really nice, and I was glad I was straightforward about my feelings. It\u2019s not easy, but it feels worth it?<\/p>\n So! I\u2019m curious: What are you looking for, if you\u2019re single? What are you looking for, if you\u2019re partnered? Do these things shift for you? I\u2019d love to hear\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n P.S. Five things that surprised me about my divorce<\/a>, what it felt like to have sex for the first time after divorce<\/a>, and my sister\u2019s brilliant dating tip<\/a>.<\/p>\n (Photos by Christine Han<\/a>.)<\/p>\n
Those early days are so intense
Just curious what your headspace is these days
Like, do you feel up for dating?
I would imagine you might be in the drinks-and-sex part of your journey
Which is fun and great and head-clearing, but I\u2019m not really looking for just that<\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/cupofjo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/joanna-goddard-2024-1.jpg\")
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