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A while back, we shared stories from parents of only children<\/a> \u2014\u00a0the pros, cons, and anecdotes of raising a solo child. Today we\u2019re hearing from only children themselves. Here, seven (grown-up) only children tell us about their experiences\u2026<\/p>\n Halli, 41<\/strong> Gayatri, 33<\/strong> \u201cAt the same time, I think my childhood gave me social strengths. I didn\u2019t have built-in peers within my family, so I got good at adapting to new situations and finding my people. There are all these negative stereotypes about only children, like that we\u2019re socially weird. Maybe that\u2019s true for some, but I\u2019m good.\u201d<\/p>\n Gitanjali, 32<\/strong> Mallory, 38<\/strong> \u201cI always wanted a sister, but I felt like I found my \u2018sisters\u2019 among my friends. I also now have four sisters-in-law. When I first got married, I thought it was strange that none of them had super-close girlfriends, whereas I had a tight group of friends I\u2019d known since childhood. It took a few years before I realized my sisters-in-law didn\u2019t need that, because they had each other.\u201d<\/p>\n Kristy, 38<\/strong> \u201cHonestly, I was a little bratty as a kid. My dad really harped on self-esteem and confidence, and I was maybe too<\/em> confident! But as an adult, I\u2019ve fared pretty well. I work in the corporate world and manage a large team. I don\u2019t think I\u2019d have this career and these leadership skills without my childhood. When people ask me about having an only child, I recommend it \u2014 with nuance. I think it does take more effort to ensure your child gets socialized with their peers. And yes, there is more pressure on an only child, especially as your parents start to age. But for me, the pros outweigh the cons.\u201d <\/p>\n Sean, 38<\/strong> Marissa, 40<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t know where we all got the idea that bigger is always better. When my husband and I had our son, we felt so lucky to have this lovely child! Right from the start, however, we got questions: \u2018Wait, you\u2019re just having one?\u2019 Now friends will sometimes add, \u2018Just one is okay, right? You turned out pretty normal.\u2019 My take: If your family feels like a unit of three, great. As long as everyone\u2019s happy, keep your eyes on your own paper.\u201d<\/p>\n If you\u2019re an only child \u2014\u00a0or have an only child \u2014\u00a0would you add? Thank you so much to the wonderful folks who shared their stories. We\u2019re so glad and grateful to hear from you.<\/strong><\/p>\n P.S. Advice on going from one child to two<\/a>, and eight women on choosing not<\/em> to have children<\/a>.<\/p>\n (Photo by Irina Ozhigova\/Stocksy.)<\/p>\n
\u201cI grew up on a farm, and my grandparents lived right across the field, so although there weren\u2019t many kids around, I never felt lonely. I learned how to make conversation with grown-ups, and now that I am one, I find it very easy to talk to people. Another big upside was getting to travel. When I was 11, we learned about Great Britain in school, and my parents took me to England that summer so we could visit the places I\u2019d learned about. That wouldn\u2019t have been possible, financially, with more than one child. I made the very intentional choice to only have one child myself. I\u2019ve had fantastic experiences, both being an only child and having one. Five stars.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy family moved from India to the U.S. when I was five. From an immigrant perspective, there\u2019s a slightly different parent-child dynamic. They can\u2019t really \u2018guide\u2019 you through the American rites of passage and systems; you\u2019re all sort of figuring it out together. They didn\u2019t know what \u2018prom\u2019 was, you know? I think it could have been helpful to have a sibling as an ally. It might\u2019ve helped my family feel more oriented in America.<\/p>\n
\u201cI felt very included in my parents\u2019 lives. They\u2019d have friends over for dinner, and I\u2019d be the one kid at the table. I thought it was so fun and interesting, getting to listen in on their conversations. I\u2019d also chime in with my opinions; I remember talking about the Iraq War with adults. But now that I\u2019m older, and my parents are aging, I sometimes wish I had someone around who knows them like I do, someone who can also keep them company. I\u2019m starting to feel anticipatory grief: Who am I going to remember them with?<\/em> At the same time, I know that whenever I imagine a sibling, it\u2019s always with the rosiest view. There\u2019s no guarantee that siblings will have a good relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy parents divorced when I was three, and from then on, it was just my mom and me. A handful of friends\u2019 families really stepped up. My mom always had two or three jobs and often worked evenings, so when I was in preschool, I\u2019d often spend the night at my friend Natalie\u2019s house. Her parents, the Allmans, were always happy to help. In elementary school, it was the Butlers \u2014\u00a0my friend Katie\u2019s parents \u2014\u00a0who\u2019d pick me up after school and take me to gymnastics. My high-school best friend was Molly Kopp. Molly\u2019s mom took me to swim practice and often invited me over for the whole weekend if my mom was working. Molly\u2019s dad was a lawyer, and when my bio dad suddenly reappeared making legal threats, he immediately stepped in to handle things.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy parents both had challenging upbringings, so they decided early on that they would have only one child and really devote themselves. My mom was the one who went to the office every day, while my dad stayed home with me. He was a doting father. He coached all my teams; he walked me to school and picked me up each day. My parents also made sure I spent time with other kids. I went to summer camp and after-school activities, and I played every sport under the sun.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve always romanticized sibling relationships. My best friend has a sister, and I still hound her for details: What\u2019s it like?!<\/em> A big house seems really exciting to me, and I always assumed that\u2019s what I would have when I made my own family. I had a great childhood with a rich inner life, but I craved a bustling household. Then I had my first child, and the postpartum period was very difficult, and I wondered if I could do it again. We also live in Los Angeles, so the finances are weighing on us \u2014 could we even afford another kid? Our son is two-and-a-half, and we\u2019ve only just gotten back on our feet. If we have another, will we ever see each other again? Or will it just be going from school to work to school and back? So far, having one child is amazing \u2014\u00a0we still have so much flexibility and freedom. At the same time, my husband has a brother and can\u2019t imagine his life without him. We\u2019re stuck!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs a kid, I never gave a second thought to being an only child; our family unit just fit. Whenever we went somewhere, it was us three, and when it was time to go home, it was us three \u2014 everyone present and accounted for. When I went to college and started making new friends, people were often surprised that I was an only child: \u2018Really? I thought you were an older sister or something.\u2019 That was the first time I noticed the negative perceptions around only children.<\/p>\n