Courts also won\u2019t approve terms so lopsided that one spouse is left destitute. Danger said that a judge will intervene if the terms leave someone unable to financially support themselves.<\/p>\n
Beyond that, Matsumura drew a clear line between clauses governing marital finances and spousal behavior. \u201cInfidelity clauses\u201d are generally unenforceable in California, and anything governing sexual conduct is also off the table.<\/p>\n
Pet custody is a newer gray area. Most states treat pets as property, meaning a judge would simply award the animal to one person, like a car. But California recently passed a law allowing couples to agree on shared companionship arrangements for pets: something that looks a lot like a custody schedule.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou might drop off the dog every two weeks at a pet store parking lot, or they agree to pay for certain types of medical care for the pet,\u201d Matsumura said. This is a small but telling sign of how the law is slowly catching up to the way couples actually think about their lives, he said.<\/p>\n
My partner and I don\u2019t have a lot of assets. Do we still need a pre-nup?<\/h2>\nProbably more than you think. Even couples with similar financial situations at the time of marriage can find themselves with imbalanced assets later in life, Matsumura said.<\/p>\n
For example, if you decide to step back from your career to provide child or parental care, \u201cyou might find that you take a hit and you\u2019ll never fully recover,\u201d Matsumura said. While this can be especially true for women, he said that married people of all genders may have to make tough decisions about their participation in the workforce and how it\u2019ll affect their earning power.<\/p>\n
Juliana Yanez pointed to \u201cequalization clauses,\u201d provisions that award a stay-at-home spouse additional assets or support for every year they\u2019re out of the workforce, as a valuable tool. This could look like a person receiving 25% of their spouse\u2019s income after 5 years of marriage, and that percentage rising to 50% after 10 years.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/cdn.kqed.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/10\/2025\/12\/WeddingRings_qed.jpg\")
A pair of wedding rings on June 27, 2013. (Christoph Edel\/KQED)<\/cite><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nYanez said building these kinds of rises gradually, noting that they\u2019re generally more enforceable if the amount of financial support vests over time, depending on how long you\u2019ve been married.<\/p>\n
The New Yorker<\/em>\u2019s Wilson found that many young couples are also thinking about assets they hope <\/em>to own someday \u2014 and how they\u2019ll divide them. Among her interviewees were aspiring screenwriters who hadn\u2019t sold a script yet, but still wanted their intellectual property protected just in case. \u201cWe\u2019re not millionaires now,\u201d one told her, \u201cbut we might be one day.\u201d<\/p>\nAnother way to think about all this, Danger said, is as peace of mind. Knowing your separate property is accounted for, she said, frees you to invest fully in building a life together \u2014 without the quiet anxiety of wondering what you\u2019d lose if things went wrong.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s the right time to bring up a pre-nup, and how do I start the conversation?<\/h2>\n
Family law attorney Yanez said discussing a prenup at least six months before the wedding, noting that California law already requires a seven-day waiting period before you can sign.<\/p>\n
Rushing this process also creates legal risk, Yanez said: not only do financial disclosures take time, but a pre-nup that feels coerced is also much harder to enforce.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/cdn.kqed.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/10\/2025\/05\/GettyImages-1389555319-scaled-e1774636363116.jpg\")
A bridal customer models a wedding dress and veil at Bridal Reflections Bridal Salon in Massapequa, New York, on March 17, 2022. (Reece T. Williams\/Newsday RM via Getty Images)<\/cite><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nAs for how to start, Danger suggests thinking of it not as planning for divorce but as planning together while you still feel generous toward each other.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you find talking about money unromantic, then you\u2019re going to find marriage unromantic,\u201d Wilson said. Since money is the number one thing couples fight about, she said, having the conversation early may actually help the marriage last longer.<\/p>\n
If a formal conversation feels like too much of a leap, Wilson suggested taking the pressure off with a card game called Fight Night<\/a>, designed to help couples explore where they\u2019re aligned \u2014 and where they\u2019re not \u2014 before ever sitting down with a lawyer.<\/p>\nI\u2019m already married. Can I still get a similar kind of protection?<\/h2>\n
Yes, you can get a postnuptial agreement.<\/p>\n
Once you\u2019re married, Matsumura said, spouses owe each other \u201cfiduciary duties.\u201d This means you and your spouse are obligated to act in each other\u2019s best financial interests, which can complicate things legally.<\/p>\n
But with independent legal counsel \u2014 one lawyer for each of you, even though you\u2019re married \u2014 and genuinely fair terms, a post-nup has a good chance of holding up in court.<\/p>\n
Danger points out another option if you already have a pre-nup in place: amend it as your circumstances change. Consider setting regular check-in dates, timed with your anniversary or another memorable milestone, to reevaluate this document as a couple.<\/p>\n
Think of this as a tool in your marital emergency kit, Danger said: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to turn on your lamp, but if it gets dark, it\u2019d be good to have some light.\u201d<\/p>\n
My partner and I aren\u2019t getting married, but we live together. Can we still make a legal agreement?<\/h2>\n
A landmark California case called Marvin v. Marvin<\/a> established that yes, unmarried pairs living together can enter into legally binding agreements about property and financial support \u2014 even if they are not in a romantic relationship.<\/p>\n
Yanez said building these kinds of rises gradually, noting that they\u2019re generally more enforceable if the amount of financial support vests over time, depending on how long you\u2019ve been married.<\/p>\n
The New Yorker<\/em>\u2019s Wilson found that many young couples are also thinking about assets they hope <\/em>to own someday \u2014 and how they\u2019ll divide them. Among her interviewees were aspiring screenwriters who hadn\u2019t sold a script yet, but still wanted their intellectual property protected just in case. \u201cWe\u2019re not millionaires now,\u201d one told her, \u201cbut we might be one day.\u201d<\/p>\n Another way to think about all this, Danger said, is as peace of mind. Knowing your separate property is accounted for, she said, frees you to invest fully in building a life together \u2014 without the quiet anxiety of wondering what you\u2019d lose if things went wrong.<\/p>\n Family law attorney Yanez said discussing a prenup at least six months before the wedding, noting that California law already requires a seven-day waiting period before you can sign.<\/p>\n Rushing this process also creates legal risk, Yanez said: not only do financial disclosures take time, but a pre-nup that feels coerced is also much harder to enforce.<\/p>\n As for how to start, Danger suggests thinking of it not as planning for divorce but as planning together while you still feel generous toward each other.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you find talking about money unromantic, then you\u2019re going to find marriage unromantic,\u201d Wilson said. Since money is the number one thing couples fight about, she said, having the conversation early may actually help the marriage last longer.<\/p>\n If a formal conversation feels like too much of a leap, Wilson suggested taking the pressure off with a card game called Fight Night<\/a>, designed to help couples explore where they\u2019re aligned \u2014 and where they\u2019re not \u2014 before ever sitting down with a lawyer.<\/p>\n Yes, you can get a postnuptial agreement.<\/p>\n Once you\u2019re married, Matsumura said, spouses owe each other \u201cfiduciary duties.\u201d This means you and your spouse are obligated to act in each other\u2019s best financial interests, which can complicate things legally.<\/p>\n But with independent legal counsel \u2014 one lawyer for each of you, even though you\u2019re married \u2014 and genuinely fair terms, a post-nup has a good chance of holding up in court.<\/p>\n Danger points out another option if you already have a pre-nup in place: amend it as your circumstances change. Consider setting regular check-in dates, timed with your anniversary or another memorable milestone, to reevaluate this document as a couple.<\/p>\n Think of this as a tool in your marital emergency kit, Danger said: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to turn on your lamp, but if it gets dark, it\u2019d be good to have some light.\u201d<\/p>\n A landmark California case called Marvin v. Marvin<\/a> established that yes, unmarried pairs living together can enter into legally binding agreements about property and financial support \u2014 even if they are not in a romantic relationship.<\/p>\nWhat\u2019s the right time to bring up a pre-nup, and how do I start the conversation?<\/h2>\n
I\u2019m already married. Can I still get a similar kind of protection?<\/h2>\n
My partner and I aren\u2019t getting married, but we live together. Can we still make a legal agreement?<\/h2>\n