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A few months ago, we asked you what money questions<\/a> are on your mind. We got nearly a thousand responses, and one theme that came up over and over was the financial trickiness of being a stay-at-home parent. Today, we turned to CPA<\/a> Ariel LaFond<\/a> to help answer one reader\u2019s query about maintaining security and independence as the non-earning spouse\u2026<\/p>\n CoJ reader: I\u2019ve been a stay-at-home mom for eight years, since my first child was born. I made this decision; my husband has always been 100% supportive of any choice I make about this. While this setup still feels best for our family, I\u2019m now completely dependent on his income \u2014\u00a0and I have no idea what I would even do if something happened to him. I don\u2019t like this feeling, but I\u2019m not sure how to get around it. I\u2019m the primary parent \u2014 responsible for getting the kids to school, taking care of them when they\u2019re sick, handling sports practices, homework, and playdates, and carrying most of the housework and mental load. Those things don\u2019t leave me with much bandwidth for a job that would earn more than \u2018fun money.\u2019 Did I make the wrong call? Help!<\/strong><\/p>\n Ariel: There\u2019s actually no \u2018wrong\u2019 call here. For many families \u2014 and for many reasons \u2014 it makes sense to have one parent stay home. Depending on what you each earn, it\u2019s often the most cost-effective route. But you do have to game it out over the long haul, which often means considering the uncomfortable \u201cwhat if\u201d scenarios. In an ideal world, all prospective parents would hash out these details before kids come into the picture. In reality, no one wants to talk about that stuff!<\/p>\n In other words, you\u2019re not (at all) alone. Many stay-at-home-parents find these worries creeping up on them several years in. So do many working spouses for that matter \u2014 this is a family issue, and both partners need to be involved. When couples come to me for advice, here\u2019s where I tell them to start:<\/p>\n Step One: Have a chat.<\/strong> Both partners, working or not, should have a clear picture of the family\u2019s finances. If you don\u2019t, there\u2019s no need to approach with panic (even if that\u2019s what you\u2019re feeling). Instead, try leading with curiosity. It\u2019s tax season \u2014 no better time to say, \u201cHey, how\u2019d we do last year? I\u2019d really like to have a better sense of things.\u201d Just knowing what you have together is a great first step. Be honest about your concerns: \u201cI want to be more involved. Some people lose their spouses and are left unprepared. I want us to feel safe.\u201d Money talks can be stressful, but they\u2019re a part of life \u2014 and marriage. Approach it with a team-minded attitude, because that\u2019s what you are: a team, working toward the same goals.<\/p>\n Step Two: Have a checking and savings account in your name alone.<\/strong> If you\u2019re the non-earning partner, or you\u2019re planning to be, you should also plan to have some money in an account that only you have access to. There are a lot of reasons for this, because there are a lot of ways that money \u2014 even in a shared account \u2014 may be temporarily inaccessible. You don\u2019t need to go down every rabbit hole of possible scenarios (medical incapacitation, desert-island shipwrecks \u2014 are you terrified yet?). Just ensure that you can pay the bills if something happens to or with the person whose name is on the paychecks. You\u2019ll both sleep better!<\/p>\n Step Three: Create full visibility, and a routine to maintain it.<\/strong> On that note, make sure you know how<\/em> to pay the bills. Many people tell me they don\u2019t actually know how the mortgage or rent gets paid. Both partners should have a clear sense of the family\u2019s day-to-day expenses and income. I suggest a monthly meeting, just to look at bank statements, bills, etc. Know the logins and what gets paid from what account. Make sure you understand your partner\u2019s salary, as well as any changes that may come on that front. At the risk of stating the obvious: Just because you\u2019re the non-earning partner right now does not mean you have no responsibility when it comes to family finances. Do not abdicate that position.<\/p>\n Step Four: Have life insurance and\/or disability insurance.<\/strong> This is another scary chore no one wants to deal with, but you should absolutely have life and\/or disability insurance. A policy on both the earning and non-earning spouse would be ideal (families often need urgent childcare in the wake of a primary parent\u2019s death or injury), but everyone\u2019s situation is different. If you can\u2019t afford to insure both partners, I\u2019d typically suggest prioritizing the earning spouse. Many employers offer life insurance, but not all policies are created equal. Read the fine print, and consider whether or not you need to take out an additional policy to ensure you\u2019re truly covered. Again, no one\u2019s favorite task, but trust me, you\u2019ll breathe MUCH more easily once it\u2019s done!<\/p>\n Step Five: Have a retirement plan (for you!).<\/strong> It\u2019s easy to forget about saving for retirement once you\u2019re out of the workforce, but the good news is it\u2019s also easy to start again, and it\u2019s a great financial move for your whole family (team spirit, right?). Spousal IRAs enable the working partner to contribute to the non-working partner\u2019s retirement account. I know the idea of \u201cgetting paid\u201d by your spouse may feel awkward for some. But contributing to your retirement account means more tax-free dollars in the family pot. And if the end goal is a comfortable retirement together, this really is a win all-around.<\/p>\n Finally, if I were to suggest one optional Step Six, it would be this: Don\u2019t write-off the \u201cfun money\u201d job.<\/strong> It\u2019s not so much about the income, but the potential value of keeping a foot in the door. And by the way, you may find you don\u2019t even have the bandwidth for that<\/em> right now, and if so, that\u2019s completely valid. Let\u2019s be real: The full-time parent often has the harder job than the employed one, especially during certain stages of parenthood. But if you do find yourself with the energy and inclination to engage in the workforce in some small way \u2014 whether it\u2019s maintaining a credential, taking on a short-term project, or just having coffee with an old colleague \u2014 it could bolster than sense of independence you\u2019re missing. Furthermore, it\u2019ll mean one less barrier to entry, should you one day decide to start working outside the home full-time again.<\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t mean you have to, or that you won\u2019t have other opportunities down the line. This is just another option to consider. That\u2019s the main takeaway from all this advice: You have options. You did not make the wrong call \u2014 you made a<\/em> call. And now you get to make more.<\/p>\n Ariel LaFond<\/a> is a CPA, fractional CFO, and tax planning expert, who advises both businesses and individuals on financial growth. She also writes the newsletter dumb rich<\/a>, sharing advice and explainers on all-things finance. She lives in New York with her husband and rescue pup, Lucy.<\/em> <\/p>\n Thank you so much, Ariel<\/a>! Do you have a money question you\u2019d like help with? Please let us know in the comments.<\/strong><\/p>\n P.S. The 30-second habit that helped me stick to my budget<\/a>, and do you talk to your coworkers about your salary<\/a>?<\/p>\n (Photo by Alina Hvostikova\/Stocksy.)<\/p>\n