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This weekend, we watched the movie Eighth Grade<\/a> about, you guessed it, an eighth grade girl struggling through those rough middle school years. (Have you seen it?) She lives with her dad, and one evening around the backyard fire pit<\/a>, asks him the heartbreaking question, \u201cDo I make you sad?\u201d He talks to her about why she asked the question, and then answers: \u201cBeing your dad makes me so happy,\u201d he says. \u201cIt\u2019s so easy to love you. It\u2019s so easy to be proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s so easy to love you.\u201d I\u2019ve remembered that line since I first saw the movie seven years ago. How beautiful are those words? How cherished would you feel if someone said that to you?<\/p>\n It made me think about things I\u2019ve said to my own children \u2014 sentiments I\u2019ve meant, very deeply \u2014\u00a0and what phrases I\u2019ve heard from my own parents, and what I\u2019ve heard other parents tell their kids. Of course, people show love in many different ways \u2014\u00a0offering your full attention<\/a>, having your eyes light up when you see them<\/a>, serving a bowl of cut fruit<\/a> \u2014 and some people feel twitchy when it comes to direct praise and sweet nothings, and that\u2019s fine! But if, like me, your love language<\/a> is words of affirmation, here are a few things you might say to your children, if they feel right to you\u2026<\/p>\n There\u2019s nothing you could ever do or say that would make me not love you<\/a>. I love to watch you play<\/a>. You have good instincts. You can do hard things. I\u2019ve seen you do them before and you can do them again. Whatever you feel is normal; you\u2019re never, ever the only one. You can tell me anything. I\u2019m so happy to be your mom. You\u2019re always on my mind<\/a>. I love you.<\/p>\n My friend Erin, a mother of two, also told me this: \u201cI\u2019ve pretty much failed in teaching my children Korean, but when N. was very little I made up a little lullaby in Korean that I\u2019d sing to him, with the phrase \u201c\ub9ce\uc774, \ub9ce\uc774 \uc0ac\ub791\ud574\uc694\u201d (which literally translates to \u2018so much, so much, I love you\u2019). Now he\u2019s bigger, I say those words, and he says them back to me, and it makes me happy that at the very least he knows that phrase by heart.\u201d<\/p>\n Sobbbbbb.<\/p>\n Thoughts? How do you show love to your children? What\u2019s your love language<\/a>? I\u2019d love to hear. xoxo<\/strong><\/p>\n P.S. How to make home a haven<\/a>, and what are your hyper-specific love languages<\/a>?<\/p>\n (Photo by Gurth Bramall\/Unsplash.)<\/p>\n
Even when I\u2019m mad, grouchy, or tired, or you\u2019re mad, grouchy, or tired, I always love you.
When you\u2019re with me, when we\u2019re apart, when we\u2019re awake, when we\u2019re asleep, I always, always, always love you.<\/em><\/p>\n
I love to hear what you think.
I love you with my whole heart.
I love every age you\u2019ve been, and it\u2019s a gift to watch you grow up.<\/em><\/p>\n
Trust your instincts.
You can trust yourself.<\/em><\/p>\n
You can run through the storm<\/a>.
It\u2019s so brave to feel your feelings; some people live their whole lives without being able to do that.
I\u2019m proud of you.<\/em><\/p>\n
Anything you can even think of, someone has felt and done before.<\/em><\/p>\n
Nothing you say will surprise or shock me; I\u2019ve heard it all before.
I\u2019ll never be grossed out or embarrassed by anything you tell me; it\u2019s all normal.<\/em><\/p>\n
I love being your mom.
You bring me joy every day.
You\u2019re a beautiful person.<\/em><\/p>\n
I\u2019m always here if you need me.
I\u2019m on your side.<\/em><\/p>\n